Alzheimer's.... It has invaded my family (to keep their privacy, I
will not identify whom at this time...) It is one word with an
incredible amount of fear tightly entwined throughout it's peaks and
valleys. As of December 30, 2013, two days ago, it has consumed my thoughts. I have
found no joy. I have shed many tears. I do not know who to turn to to
express my fears. I cannot seem to utter the words "Happy New Year"
when all of social media is celebrating. Everyone is anticipating a
great 2014. I'm not. I'm scared. If I tell someone, does it bring
the mood of their joy down? Their goodwill?
This is how I felt when my Nana and mother-in-law died. People would
ask "How are you?" And automatically, with a smile on my face, I would say "I'm fine, how are
you?" And then I wanted to scream "I'm NOT FINE!" But society has said
that we must have manners and decorum. We cannot make anyone feel bad
inside. We have to push down our feelings and not recognize them. We
are not afforded time to mourn. Gotta be a "team player".
So... I
sit in quiet. Not wanting to be a "Debby Downer". Not wanting to
believe the diagnosis. No one believes it... "Get a second opinion."
"See a specialist". "Get an MRI first." "Psychologist doesn't know
what he's talking about." But for me, it's been an explanation. Now, I
see it. It makes sense. I've been researching and it is all adding
up.
I've been praying too. Very hard. But I know that God allows
sickness in this world because of sin. Ephesians 1:11 "also we have
obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His
purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will". One of the
effects of sin is sickness. Am I a bad Christian because I am
feeling sadness and confusion? Should I be saying "God heals and I'm
believing in a miracle?" If I was a good Christian, shouldn't I be
saying "Whatever is God's will?" How do I accept this? How can I
change this? How do I make this go away? How does my life and the
lives of my family members go back to normal? How can normal change in
the blink of a diagnosis....
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. :( Alzheimer's is such a hard thing to deal with. We recently lost my step-grandmother who had been suffering from dementia for many years, and it was heartbreaking. But just know that they are making medical advancements all the time, and hopefully there will be better treatment available very soon. In the meantime, just know that you are not alone. I will be thinking of you and praying for your family!
ReplyDelete-Erin @ DIY on the Cheap
Thank you so much Erin! We need the prayers! At this point, we are all hoping for a misdiagnosis!
DeleteMy grandmother has dementia, and it has broken my heart watching her not be "her." I feel like I lost the woman I love so much several years ago. I think this is horribly difficult journey. Good luck to you and your family.
ReplyDelete